Strip

Stop with the fake emotions
Show me your truths and your fears

Because I haven't seen you smile
In too many years

Your falsities and the lies you told
Have grown to get so old

Oh, won't you help me to understand it all
Oh, won't you be so bold

And did you know that we would just be friends
Was all this time just a means to an end
Did you know that we would just be friends
Was all this time just a means to an end

Let down your guard
(Drop all the pretenses)
Don't make it so hard
(Drop all your defenses now)

Justified

Can emotion and circumstance be justified?
A child who depletes its mother for sustenance
Bleating incessantly when its desires have not been fulfilled


Who judges right or wrong in an undefined situation?
A wild cat, in fields of golden grass
Feasts on the carcass of the helpless antelope
Its herd only so lucky that it was not quick enough
To anticipate Death


What speaks in favor of truth, when truth is relative?
A storm torments a coastal village
Making truants of middle-class families
Who recycle to better the environment
Their environment

Do What You Want

And when this bottle of solitude
Is dead in my hand
and on fire in my mouth

Your steady gaze still won't calm a thing
It makes me sad
Yeah, it makes me shout

Affections run together like watercolors
All muddled into browns
And indifferent greys

And you won't make it known that you're more scared than I
You won't make a sound
With the words you choose to say

You do what you want
But don't you want me?
My chances are shot
But you've made me feel...

For the first time
In what seems like years
I care about something
Care to the brink of tears
But what could I know about you
With all your closed doors
All the feeling I thought you had
Seems to seep through the floorboards
Seeps through the floorboards

No Port In A Storm

We set sail
And the storm cometh without fail
Raise the sail
And catch the gale

Force wind
Take me where you will
Rescind
Ego-trap my will

Away
Far away
Push it all away
Away

Ocean swells
Accelerate me further
Over Her
Cause a switch, cause a stir

Tide thrust
Take me where you will
Fierce gust
Ego-trap my will

Away
Far away
Push it all away
Away

Like Constellations

Lines and sparks play
Out a scene in
Constellations

She and I on fire
Intrinsically tied like
Constellations

But so far away
So far away
So far away
So far away

I hear her voice
In my ear
But she's not here

I feel her skin
I wish so bad
That she was near

In everything I see her face
Staring back at me
The silence and the distance
And all that shouldn't be

Lines and sparks play
Out a scene in
Constellations

She and I on fire
Intrinsically tied like
Constellations

But so far away
So far away
So far away
So far away

Lover

I don't want to know you
Like I know my brother
...I just want to be your lover

I don't necessarily want
To learn your favorite color
...I just want to be your lover

So let that lady loose
Oh, drop that 100 proof
Just use me as your bottle
Yeah, I promise you'll get drunk
Don't lock yourself away
With the aching and the pain
Oh, Use me as your punching bag
You won't be had

But I'll have you some day

I don't want to hold you
Like I hold my mother
...I just want to be your lover

I don't want to hear about
This, that or the other
...I just want to be your lover

So let that lady loose
Oh, drop that 100 proof
Just use me as your bottle
Yeah, I promise you'll get drunk
Don't lock yourself away
With the aching and the pain
Oh, use me as your punching bag

So let that lady loose
Oh, drop the 100 proof
Just use me as your bottle
Yeah, I promise you'll get drunk
Don't lock yourself away
With the aching and the pain
Oh, use me as your punching bag
You won't be had

But I'll have you some day

Zero

You say what you say, but you don't say much
All comes up again, up in a rush
I see the disease, I see when you step
I want what you need, I need what you get

And it all comes down to this
Oh no
And it all amounts to this
Zero

I heard it today, I heard from the noose
All is for gain, and nothing to lose
I'd like to see my body intact
Just to see it, just to see it react

And it all comes down to this
Oh no
And it all amounts to this
Zero

Movement 1.2

One wet ring is only enough for
long distance relationships
They make me cringe, those strenuous applications

Bulging forth, like some puppet of whipped cream
The economist was wrong
decimal evokes aggression
capital attracts conflict

Lo, and behold, in certainty there is not truth
only correctness; its intractability is
Undeniable
but still
isn't our perception
Malleable?

Tom likes his action, Howard his horror
what would Mark say if he learned
about this ambitious
jaunt?

Echo, Pt. 1

“Whenever there is action, and hence activity and force, there must be substance, and in this substance alone the seat of that fertile source of appearances must be sought.” He let out the amazing truth.

At that moment gay-colored birds of all sorts began warbling in the trees and with their merry and varied songs appeared to be greeting and welcoming the fresh-dawning day, which already at the gates and on the balconies of the east was revealing its beautiful face as it shook out from its hair an infinite number of liquid pearls. Bathed in this gentle moisture, the grass seemed to shed a pearly spray, the willows distilled a savory manna, the fountains laughed, the brooks murmured, the woods were glad, and the meadows put on their finest raiment.

“What is the difference between correctness and truth, or is there any?” Like the vague torsos of fabulous athletes, huge fleshy clouds lolled on the blue air above their heads.

“Truth is universal. It does not belong to me, it belongs to all; it possesses me, I do not possess it. The soul of wit may become the very body of untruth. However elegant and memorable, brevity can never, in the nature of things, do justice to all the facts of a complex situation. Absolute concreteness, completion, existence as a totality belong then to the free and fundamental desire which is the unique person.”

There was something just so awful in the old man’s utterance. He was like a man pursued, but pursued by enemies he does not wish to see, lest they should seem more hostile even than he had supposed, and he himself be made to feel guiltier and even more helplessly alone. Well, an answer was expected. He was waiting. Yes or no. Join the party, inject a meaning into life, choose to be a man, to act and to believe. That would be salvation.

“No, you wouldn’t like to believe me. The causes of illusions are not pretty to discover. They’re either vicious or tragic. This one is both. Mainly vicious. And it’s not a gag. But we won’t go into that now. Are you satisfied now, friend John?”

Movement 1.1

Aspartame dreams play drama subterfuge and
Inconsequential familiarity displays animalistic alienation

as a figure disperses its field of vision
so do I dopple my environment

love and pain are cousins in war
fighting for opposite sides
but coming to the same conclusions
in a collision with double helix resolutions

as only frogs can tell
dusk is better for calls of lust

Once in an azure moon do I crave immolation
fires burn too dim
the pop and sizzle of fresh carcass
entices even the most humanistic portions

Twice has Death knocked on my cast-iron gate
only once have I acknowledged his persistence
maybe a third will be his day?

Red as arterial blood
caresses disdain and weeps northern light
a shade deeper and the world is shrouded in
a blanket of velvet

If pornography signifies addiction
and worldly immersion
then what is making love on camera?

Re-emergence

How sweet it is to talk to someone that you've lost contact with for months! My good friend K. contacted me yesterday after what seems like a lifetime of separation. It seems he might be making an appearance down here in a month or so - it would be a good change of pace to see him again. Hopefully we'd have time to jam with the rest of We Are The Answer. Speaking of which, we've got two more songs, tentatively titled "Here Comes The Heartbreak" and "Cigarette." Our sound keeps evolving, and it's exciting to see our sound grow and mature. Every day we get better - a month or two and we'll be solid enough to start playing some local shows!

A. still hasn't made it down here, and I have a feeling that it might not happen anytime soon. Then again, income tax returns are due, so that might provide the money for such a trip.

As always, I've been reading a lot. I just re-read American Psycho and The Rules of Attraction (I suppose I was on a Bret Easton Ellis kick), as well as Battle Royale and The Chips Are Down. I've just recently began writing a book about a man who returns to New York from Tokyo, and his re-integration into American culture. An interesting topic, I'm sure, but the best is how the book reads. The words are situated in such a way that once you've finished reading it front to back, you then read the book vertically, back to front, which tells the story of the man returning to Tokyo from New York and re-integrating into Japanese culture. An ambitious idea, to say the least.

I'm also writing a script for a feature about 11 individuals who live in a house together, and the internal drama between them. As the story progresses, the viewer realizes that they only watch recorded media (no live feeds), drink only bottled beverages and eat only canned goods. What is really going on in this situation? Why are there 11 people living under one roof? Why do the characters very rarely leave the residence? Only time can answer these questions.

All in all I'm doing well. Procuring student loans is proving more elusive than once assumed, but I have no doubt that this will happen one way or another. The music is flowing freely, which is good, and my spirits are, for the most part, high.

Until next time,
B.

Ah, Karma

First of all, thanks D. for reminding me to do this (and for caring to read)- anyone who knows me knows I'm horrible with repetitive nature (updating this blog is no exception).  Also, shout outs to M. in Texas - the most employed unemployed nigga I know - and A. in the 'Burque... your time will come.

Karma is such an interesting force.  Just yesterday I gave a transient the last $2 I had to my name, and not 3 hours later did I find $41 floating around on the pavement on my walk back home.   However, lest we forget that there's a negative side to everything - I no longer attend the Los Angeles Recording School.  From the information that was given to me, the "Board of Trustees" of the "Corporation" that were to fund my musical endeavors here in L.A. somehow "misplaced" some $21,000.  Huh?

So this is my encomium to the most informative week of my life - you treated me well, Sunday, February 3rd to Friday, February 8th - I grew because of you, and the way I listen to and write music is forever changed because of you.  I've learned to manipulate outboard gear, and how to truly use a console.  Thank you, and hopefully I will have another like you soon.

Now, this is not to say that I won't be going to the school.  I just won't be going to school now.  I've had more trouble getting to this school than I've ever had with anything before in my entire life.  I've been actively seeking enrollment here for over a year, and this is just another speed bump.  So, don't immediately write off my blog (all 3 of you that read it), because I'm not about to stop because I'm not in school currently.

In other news: I've started a new band here - the name's We Are The Answer, a sort of jazz-metal j-rock post-hardcore group.  A friend and I just recently started collaborating and in 2 hours time, we've written our first single, the title of which is (tentatively) "Green Plastic Waterfalls."  Hopefully, I'll have something recorded so you can all hear it.

Other than that, nothing really new.  A. is coming down for a couple weeks in the next couple of days; I'm excited to see her again and find out how life is going for her.  And what else, you might ask, is on the horizon for me?  Who knows - looks like I'm going to have to procure a job for myself... or maybe I could just sustain a living off of street performance.  Who knows?

Leaving it all up to Karma,

B.

A New City, A New Life, A New Beginning

More and more, I find that I've become obsessed with new experiences.  I thrust myself into unexpected situations, and search for the outcomes that would further my artistic expression.  From the time I first began listening to music (I suppose I mean once I began immersing myself in the music I owned, and dedicated a good 4 or more hours of my day doing so), I always found myself setting my cd player and/or iPod on random - a practice that ensured that I very rarely experienced the same song twice in the same day.  This always forced me to listen to the tracks that would otherwise go unnoticed if I were only picking the tracks I recognized and adored.  This is a practice that I still abide by today.

However, as recent conversations have forced me to analyze, I seem to thrive on the same course of action in life, in order to consistently challenge myself and to avoid, as much as possible, any sort of stagnation in my day-to-day... and now I live here in L.A.  A world so unlike the places that I've come to understand; a place full of randomness and variable possibility.  I've come to further a dream I've had for years, a dream that now seems somewhat unoriginal, given the exchanges that I've had with the locals.  Everyone here wants to be a rockstar, wants to be famous, wants to be rich.  Although it may be disheartening to hear countless self-appointed "musicians" ramble on about their failures to succeed in such an over-saturated market, I am undeterred.  I am here for a reason: I've willed it.  No one can take away an ideal - ideals and dreams are the only things that we have that cannot be tainted or tarnished by the outside world, unless we so choose them to be.

On the contrary: how wonderful it is to learn from those that have talent and drive and a future!  How stirring to be involved with greater musicians - greater people!  I recently stayed with my cousin and his band, Los Burbanks, who were staying with another talented group named Velorio... and what an experience it was to hang around truly talented and inspired artists.  It seems I learn something new every time Jay invites me to go see one of his shows.

 

I was discussing different creative approaches with Eric, and an idea dawned on me that has captured my fancy, at least for the moment: record a live jam session with each instrument recording separately, and then proceed to cut and splice those individual tracks to create something organic yet electronic - a sort of IDM-influenced live jazz-rock sound.  Hmmm... just something to ponder.

I've waited for what seems a lifetime for school to start, and finally, I am watching the wave begin to crest.  I start in a little less than a week, and I'm champing at the proverbial bit, biding my time until I can spring up and surprise a listener with something new and fresh (and so clean..... clean).  I have 9 months to utilize the information, the guidance, and the gear that will be bestowed upon me to create the first of what will hopefully be a long line of aural masterpieces.

Respect,

B.